Good Things Come...

...To those that buy shit games.

I'm quite pissed off right now.

I've just been browsing the US Playstation Store and I see some DLC (downloadable content) that really grabs my attention.

"Downloadable Bugatti Veyron"

The catch you ask?

It's for Need For Speed Pro Street.

I love racing games, but NFS doesn't cut it. They had a solid model with Carbon (it wasn't perfect, but it wasn't bad), and they just threw it out the window and fucked it with a dry 16" dildo.

Tears were shed.

Let me put it this way...

There is a mode (basically 'easy') in which you can play the game, and it will steer for you. That's not a trademarked over-exaggeration, but cold hard fact.

I only played the demo, but in which I set this mode on, held down accelerate, and won the race...The only human adjustment was that I slowed down for some corners.

*sigh*

I want the game to be good now just for the sake of driving the Bugatti Veyron.

EA, I'd like you to suck my balls.

E, you can deep throat me, careful on the teeth though.

A, you can focus on making sure my balls don't feel left out.

...The C&C 3 expansion pack better make up for this.

Ah Fuck! ...Wanking Cramp!

Wanking cramp. The scourge of all the Guitar Hero players in the world.

It was the UK release of Guitar Hero 3 yesterday, and obviously I was first in line to get it for my PlayStation 3.

As I did with Guitar Hero 2 and Rocks The 80's, I planned to defeat the game in a day...The main set list at least.

Get home about 12pm, and start playing the game at about 1. I remember opening the box, and looking at the Les Paul in its glory for the first time. After plugging it in and sorting the dongle out...I was ready to rock.

I fire up the game for the first time, and I was greeted with a message on my HDTV.

"No HDMI input detected"

Ah fuck.

I had to manually remove 1080i from the list of possible outputs via my PS3's XMB and I was good to go.

I already knew most of what to expect, but the game doubled what I thought I'd feel.

Being a huge Guitar Hero fan I knew that'd I'd enjoy the game; sure Harmonix aren't in the credits this time around...But it still felt like a GH game, just with a redesigned GUI...Nothing wrong with that.

I jumped straight into Expert, I knew there were a few more songs in the main setlist than GH2...But I beat that in 3 hours, failing only one song once (fuck you to Beast and the Harlot...), and Rocks The 80's in about the same time (if you've played Play With Me, you'll know why).

Now I for a change I don't really want to write up a game review, other than explain the title of this post.

MY FUCKING FINGERS, HANDS AND ARMS ARE IN ENDLESS PAIN!

I've managed to get to the last boss battle (who gives me the dry shaft every fucking time), and I've played around 60 songs in the space of about 8 hours I guess (forgetting any breaks and sleeping time).

I was hoping to avoid pain this time. I pretty much expected it, but I really...REALLY wanted to avoid it this time around.

Needless to say, I didn't.

Another irritation relating directly to GH, is the condition of GHI syndrome.

GHI (Guitar Hero Itch) syndrome plagues all the better players, and some of the lower league players suffer from. That moment where you're intensely concentrating on nailing a passage, even worse when you're close to FC'ing a song...And you have the irresistible urge to claw at your skin, in a pinpoint location on your body (crabs does not classify as GHI).

In a closing statement, I want to say that all higher level players of GH are masochists. Down to the last excruciating pain in our hands...We enjoy it...That's why we go back for more...And more...And even more...In fact, Raining Blood anyone?