Saturday, April 05, 2008

Friday, March 28, 2008

Sorry Pritchard!

First blog post in a while...But a more than important one that's for sure.

Let's cut the bullshit and get to the chase.

Thanks to Dainton, I prank called Matthew Pritchard (both of the best TV show around, Dirty Sanchez).

Trying to get his number round like wildfire (07929275462) I posted it on 4chan (along with the first of two rough transcripts of the phone call I made).

Turns out that news spreads faster than you might think.

Another poster on 4chan kindly linked everyone to this:

Shit...News DOES travel fast.

I'm famous on the Internet for pranking a legend...Wow, I guess this makes up for not delivering GT5 Prologue today.

Anyway...First copy of transcript:

My first call went something like this:

“Pritchard’s personal assistant” (sounded like Dainton) then he asked me my name, I said Mr Spanksworthy…He asked me if I wanted to leave a message and he put the phone on loudspeaker and recorded me saying “Hi Pritchard, I just wanted to let you know that your mother’s underwear is stickier than usual tonight…” and then he cut me off (loudspeaker) and said something like “You fucking cunt I’ll come and rape your mother in the arse in a minute!”

...and the second...

"Pritchard's PA here" (sounded like Dainton)

"Alright, is Pritchard there?"

"No, this is his PA, his personal assistant.

Do you want to leave a message?"

"Yeah ok"

"What's your name then please?"

"Mr Spanksworthy"

"Mr Spanksworthy?"


"Right just wait a minute and when I say leave your message"


"When you're ready"

"Alright Pritch, I just wanted to let you know that your mother's underwear is stickier than usual lately..."

(Obviously Pritchard pissed off now)


*Me laughing the whole time*

*He hangs up*

...I honestly can't wait to see this uploaded.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Good Things Come...

...To those that buy shit games.

I'm quite pissed off right now.

I've just been browsing the US Playstation Store and I see some DLC (downloadable content) that really grabs my attention.

"Downloadable Bugatti Veyron"

The catch you ask?

It's for Need For Speed Pro Street.

I love racing games, but NFS doesn't cut it. They had a solid model with Carbon (it wasn't perfect, but it wasn't bad), and they just threw it out the window and fucked it with a dry 16" dildo.

Tears were shed.

Let me put it this way...

There is a mode (basically 'easy') in which you can play the game, and it will steer for you. That's not a trademarked over-exaggeration, but cold hard fact.

I only played the demo, but in which I set this mode on, held down accelerate, and won the race...The only human adjustment was that I slowed down for some corners.


I want the game to be good now just for the sake of driving the Bugatti Veyron.

EA, I'd like you to suck my balls.

E, you can deep throat me, careful on the teeth though.

A, you can focus on making sure my balls don't feel left out.

...The C&C 3 expansion pack better make up for this.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

I'm Doing This For Yoyobek

Yep, Yoyo tied me down and showed me a verity of whips and chains and is now forcing me to blog.

Well I'm not going to argue, after all, I did plan to blog on Christmas day (I blame alcohol).

Anyway, she's right in saying I have something to blog about today, because I do!

I had a lovely dinner today, I went to KFC and had a huge meal, it was damn tasty to boot. On the way back in the car we had a conversation.

It went like this:

Me: "Jay, isn't this where we lost it going 50mph?"

Jay: "Yeah it is; slow down Haz, you'll loose it."

Haz: *Foot down, hits 60mph, turns into roundabout, looses back end...*

Everyone: "Ah shit..."

Yeah...Basically we hit the curb sideways at 60mph and the backend flew up for a few feet, then when we touched down, we skidded sideways for about 17feet.

Video of the car afterward (the car was in worse state than it looked):

I'm glad to be alive. I had my friend Dave repeatedly point out how things could've been worse, and all the possibly ways we could've died. Bastard.

Well I'll have to cut it short, Yoyo is getting bored already...