Friday, December 21, 2007

Really Don't Know What To Say...

No I'm not lost for words, nor do I have a lack of witty comments at my disposal...I guess I just have a lot to write, and nothing that will apply to it all.

So...It's been far too long since I last posted (just shy of a month for those that are counting), so I feel I have to get dirty and straight down to business.

I'm still 18...Yet if anything, I'm even less mature, but since my birthday (and last post) I've been doing a lot of thinking, and it's been a while since I last done that...And I've decided that there's never the wrong time to start afresh and get your arse into gear.

On that note, I've applied to university...Yes, me...Applying to university.

Freaky shit.

Well I've applied for a course in Japanese at the University of Leeds, a course in Creative Technologies at the University of Bangor, and as a back up, a Computer Science Foundation Degree at the college I'm at now.

Obviously I'd rather do the first two, and out of those, I'm swaying back and forth between which I'd prefer.

Some days I want to sit in a dark room and program video games (well...that doesn't really make it sound great...but...Shut the fuck up).

And other days I want to go the land of anime and fetishes even I'd stay away from.

...but as always, there is a downside...I screwed over my UCAS application form, and forgot to put down that I'm doing a BTEC right now...So it looks like I've got my crappy GCSEs and nothing else (as for my GCSEs, I was under the influence for some of them).

Got Christmas coming up now...And as usual, I'm my bah humbug type self.

"Don't get me anything so I don't have to get you anything".

Yeah, it sucks, but I never have any cash (and most argue no morals either) so this is what I'm forced to do.

Ah well, I'm sure I'll have a good day regardless...Start off the day at mother's house, and shoot over to Liverpool to spend the rest of the day with father. Jolly good!

On an unrelated note...Cosplay.

Yep...A lot of you now have just spat out what ever was in your mouth (most likely a cock)...But I'm thinking of doing a cosplay for shits and giggles.

As I've said to a friend of mine (who best well be reading this *makes angry face*) I'll probably jump in the deep end and crossplay, yeah, not so surprising for a few of you...But sod it.

Bible Black school outfit? Hell yes. I'd be wearing it to Mindless Self Indulgence gig coming up.

What's that you say? MSI gig? Are you stuck in the past?


They're coming back over here in April...It'll be planned a whole lot better this time, and I can get a picture with Jimmy and Lyn-Z (as I missed on that last time). So hopefully you'll have the pleasure...No, the honour of reading another write up on another MSI gig!

Wow...This wasn't really as long as I thought it might have been...Ah well, I'll try and keep updating a lot more frequently.

Have a lovely what ever the hell you celebrate this time of year.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Ah Fuck! ...Wanking Cramp!

Wanking cramp. The scourge of all the Guitar Hero players in the world.

It was the UK release of Guitar Hero 3 yesterday, and obviously I was first in line to get it for my PlayStation 3.

As I did with Guitar Hero 2 and Rocks The 80's, I planned to defeat the game in a day...The main set list at least.

Get home about 12pm, and start playing the game at about 1. I remember opening the box, and looking at the Les Paul in its glory for the first time. After plugging it in and sorting the dongle out...I was ready to rock.

I fire up the game for the first time, and I was greeted with a message on my HDTV.

"No HDMI input detected"

Ah fuck.

I had to manually remove 1080i from the list of possible outputs via my PS3's XMB and I was good to go.

I already knew most of what to expect, but the game doubled what I thought I'd feel.

Being a huge Guitar Hero fan I knew that'd I'd enjoy the game; sure Harmonix aren't in the credits this time around...But it still felt like a GH game, just with a redesigned GUI...Nothing wrong with that.

I jumped straight into Expert, I knew there were a few more songs in the main setlist than GH2...But I beat that in 3 hours, failing only one song once (fuck you to Beast and the Harlot...), and Rocks The 80's in about the same time (if you've played Play With Me, you'll know why).

Now I for a change I don't really want to write up a game review, other than explain the title of this post.


I've managed to get to the last boss battle (who gives me the dry shaft every fucking time), and I've played around 60 songs in the space of about 8 hours I guess (forgetting any breaks and sleeping time).

I was hoping to avoid pain this time. I pretty much expected it, but I really...REALLY wanted to avoid it this time around.

Needless to say, I didn't.

Another irritation relating directly to GH, is the condition of GHI syndrome.

GHI (Guitar Hero Itch) syndrome plagues all the better players, and some of the lower league players suffer from. That moment where you're intensely concentrating on nailing a passage, even worse when you're close to FC'ing a song...And you have the irresistible urge to claw at your skin, in a pinpoint location on your body (crabs does not classify as GHI).

In a closing statement, I want to say that all higher level players of GH are masochists. Down to the last excruciating pain in our hands...We enjoy it...That's why we go back for more...And more...And even more...In fact, Raining Blood anyone?

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Gamer Army

2 posts in one day.

I spoil you.

Anyway, I not long ago signed up to the Gamer Army, an elitest group of gamers that are the few, the pro and more importantly, we're the 1337.

So here's me spreading propaganda.

Sign up here:

I'm Still Alive...Partially

Just letting you all know that I've had a lot on my plate recently, and that's why there has been a severe lack of me in your lives (physically aswell).

I turned 18 on the 3rd of this month...Good times.

And to be honest, nothing has changed...Sure I can legally buy alcohol now, and I once again I'm of the legal age to smoke, but I don't smoke cigarettes anymore, and I've been drinking since I was about 14...Like I said, nothing has changed.

I've been playing far too much games on my PS3 after my birthday...Spent about £190 on games...Not bad going eh?

Found out just how true the following saying is aswell:

"You always want what you can't have a lot more than anything else."

Argh indeed.

Need something else now to pad out the rest of this post...

Hmm, a joke that has my sense of humour almost nailed to a cross...

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

Brilliant, I know.

You might hear from my this week, I'm buying Guitar Hero 3 on my PS3 this friday, I may share my experiences with it.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

7 Days Have Passed...

14 days ago I wrote a prophecy, of good times, loud music and lots of joyful shenanigans.

I mark this prophecy as truthful, and fulfilled.

This time last week I was waiting in line to enter Manchester Academy. This time last week I was stood in a line of people as screwed up as me. This time last week I was putting a skirt on in the aforementioned line. This time...Last week...I was going to see Mindless Self Indulgence.

I enter the establishment, I get my ticket stub removed, I join hundreds of people in climbing what seemed to be a very unstable winding staircase, I allow myself into a huge dimly lit room. In front of me were a row of 2 or 3 people...Then the stage; the huge backdrop reading Mindless Self Indulgence with the 'gamers cross' image bellow the text.

But this is jumping the gun, the day started at 8:20am...

I wake up...Well I start moving early enough, I wasn't truly awake par se. Thankfully the wonderful 'Pants' meets me at the bus stop at 9 in the morning to give me legwarmers she got me for the show. She's an angel!

Then I meet hopskotch as she was accompanying me to Chester, my rondevouz point for me and my friend Lee (whom I was going to the gig with...He turns out to be an hero!1). Bus trip goes fantastic.

Expecting to meet Lee in Chester at approximately as-soon-as-I-get-there, I was hoping for the bus to get there sooner (He was going to be waiting around for a while otherwise...Didn't want an unhappy Lee), either way he sends me a text message telling me that he's going to be running slightly late...Bugger.

So I get off the bus...And wait, here's Gothic McGothpants (due to the goth coat I had adorned), I had my suave shades on (even though the sun had hardly rose yet) and of course, my cream trilby. At this point I had hopskotch moaning at me due to some cold weather that was meant to be abundant...Hell, I was fine, seems I'm cold blooded and cold hearted...Score!

Either way, Lee rings me about 10 minutes later and tells me to walk towards the tattoo parlour he practically lives in (turns out the day after the gig I got to pick his next tattoo).

We meet Lee...The day starts...Well, it tried to, it kind of didn't though. We had several shops on the agenda, and on a Sunday, nothing was open yet...We actually ended burning time by going shop-to-shop just to find they weren't open yet.


My primal instincts finally catch up with me, and I need my second morning urination (quite fitting considering I was off to watch a guy called 'Little Jimmy Urine'). By the time I've finished, the shops are open and the day starts...First stop, Ann Summers.

Mr Lee wanted some fishnet gloves, and he had money to burn. For any normal person, this obviously means a jovial trip to the land of (wet) dreams. At this point we realise just how prude hopskotch is, as she wouldn't come into Ann Summers, ah well...Her loss.

I must say though, this was an amusing visit down to the fact that Lee dodges all the female assistants, and gets stuck asking some guy for stretchy fishnet gloves...It was great.

We meet back up with hopskotch, and to Claire's we go! I was pondering buying a pink hairband, but decided against it in the end due to lack of hair...I'm growing it back. Lee purchases more fishnet gloves (in pink this time).

Next stop was Boots, I decided to pick up some Lynx (Africa), hell I was going to end the night in a room of sweaty people...I wanted to be prepared; Lee decided on some pink hairspray...Didn't even get used in the end.

Walking back towards the bus station to go back to Helsby, we say our fairwells to hopskotch and attempt to catch a bus.

Notice the use of the word attempt.

Some cunt thought it would be fucking hilarious to make travelling from Chester to Helsby a pain in the fucking ass on a Sunday...Whoop de fucking do.

To Burger King we went. After stuffing our faces, Lee decided he'd pay for a taxi to Helsby.

£15...Double rates on a Sunday apparently (think that's bad? Read on).

We arrive near enough to Lee's and he gets himself sorted, grabs his shit and we're on our way.

This was it, it was official, the MSI day was finally getting going and the going was good.

Quick stop off at Tesco for him to get cash. Done.

We then walk to Helsby train station...Hell, some pre-chavs thought they'd pass comment, well fuck them, we were going to see the greatest band in the world. We arrive.

And we wait.

Wait some more.

And hell, 30 minutes later, we're still waiting.


After we get worried, me and Lee Decide to ring the National Rail helpline to see what shit was being laid down.

Apparently there was work being done on the lines and they'd replaced the train with a bus service, one that would've required we wait for another hour, then arrive late to the gig.

That's a full portion of bullshit and chips right there.

After thinking of the possible plans, Lee (God bless him) rings the taxi service to see how much a taxi from Helsby to Manchester would be...It went something like this:

"Hi, I was wondering how much it would be for a taxi from Helsby train station to Manchester Piccadilly please?"

"About £55-£60"

*Lee hangs up*

After realising it was the only way we were getting to Manchester on this day, Lee amazingly says he'll cover it (an hero or what?!).

I have to ring the taxi company back (he did hang up on them after all). They realised it was the same phone number and I had to explain that my mate did ring up, but the signal was bad...And some bollocks like that...Either way, a taxi was on it's way.

The taxi driver was great, a Scouser and a fair man. He said that it would only cost £50 as paying anymore than that for a taxi would be ridiculous...He was great. As promised he turned the clock off at £50.

We arrive in Manchester...And we're lost...I want to make this known now.

I fucking hate Manchester, it's a filth ridden shit hole, and worse for me because every now and then my Scouse accent will pop out, and this is never good in the middle of a place in which you're hated...Worsened by the fact that I'm still in goth mode.

Oh joy.

We finally get another taxi to take us to the hotel, and the fun doesn't stop there...Apparently the hotel WASN'T paid for...I call bullshit, but that's what their records say...Lee saves the day again (an hero after all), and we go up to our room.

It was tiny...But it had a kettle and TV (with Sky).

I get partially changed, and after 10-20 minutes, me and Lee think it wise to get our bearings and find Manchester Academy, and stock up on food.

Took about 20 minutes to walk there, it's not that bad in retrospect.

I buy some water and a Pot Noodle, I forgot something though.

A fork.

Ah fuck.

So here's Lee, drinking his Pot Noodle, and I'm using a fucking small plastic teaspoon...A low point in my life if ever there was one...But The Simpsons was on, and that made up for it.

A tactically decided that walking through Manchester in a skirt wouldn't be great for my health...Wasn't so bothered about it being cold, but the fact that I'm likely to get jumped regardless of the weather, the girly adornments couldn't make things better.

I tuck it in the back of my trousers.

This time it takes about 15 minutes to get to the Academy, probably because we were anxious...Hell I know I was.

And this is where it began...In the queue waiting to get in...

Anyway, the support band come on after a while...And, well...I'll make this short, basically, the only time they got applauded was when the left.

Good riddance.

A few stage hands come on setting a few things up as the support band fucked off.

Next we know, The Land of Hope and Glory starts playing from the speakers...Being mildly patriotic I found this amusing, watching Kitty come on, casually sit at her drums, then Lyn-Z strolls in and picks up her bass...Steve, well Steve wobbled on...He was drunk. And then Mr Urine himself, his mic stand was like a baton, and he placed it causally under his chin as he strutted forward.

Then they started playing Tornado...No shit, just straight into it.


After Tornado had finished, Jimmy explains he was expecting a tough crowd, he then called us all pussies, unlucky for him, but while we were in Chester, I bought a 6" fat glowstick...I launched it at him, and hit him in the head.

Jackpot. Video Proof (About 1:16 into the film)

To be honest, a lot of the night was a blur...I remember that during the start of Faggot, Jimmy (as pur usual) left his fans to sing the infamous "I've been denyed all the best ultra sex", now for no apparent reason I was starting at Lyn-Z here. She catches my eye, and mouths the words "Oh really?".

Teasing bitch.

Not long after she was climbing onto the barrier and standing on the crowd...Less than a metre away from me...At this point I have a do or die situation, I can stand there and watch with a smile on my face like a good boy, or I can let my hand wonder up her skirt.

Guess what I did.

Soon after she falls directly on top of the crowd...Or should I say, directly on top of me...My hand hit the jackpot...Gerard Way...I've fondled your wife.

Some time into the show I'm feeling like I'm going to pass out. I do the only logical thing.

I crowd surfed.

After getting over the front and refreshing myself with water from the bar, I'm back in the game, and thinking about all the idiots in the front row. That's right. Fucking retards.

I walk back into the room and walk straight down the side, not a single person stopping me, and I sit on the side of the stage.

Not only was I closer to the band than the tools at the front, but I was sitting down and not squashed...Life was great.

What Do They Know starts playing and I have my phone out recording video...A part in the song without my bass was the cue to grab Lyn-Z's attention, here's little ol' me getting her to wave into my phone.


She's not going to be overly impressed now...I made her miss part of the song...Ah well.

Fast forward to the end of the gig now.

I think it was Steve who comes out to the crowd first (guitarist), everyone pounces on him, and I trade him $1 for a kiss (yes I had dollar notes, get me). I also give him another to sign.

Then I spy Kitty in the corner of my eye and unfortunately she wouldn't kiss her fans...Damn her, but I got the same dollar signed.

Then Jimmy, obviously he'd kiss his fans...For $1 of course, and after that he signed the other dollar.

Last up was Lyn-Z, a quick kiss on the lips and got her to sign my dollar.

Life...Is good.

I waltz over to Steve now as he come from behind the barrier, had a little chat with him, and got my picture took with him (as did Mr Lee). Same goes for Kitty.

Me and Lee buy a t-shirt each and head back to the hotel.

I was so fucking happy. And I'm pretty damn sure Lee was aswell.

Cut the trip home short...

Woke up at 9 to get the fuck out of Manchester, got the train to Chester, then bus home.


As for pictures, I hate to say it, but check my MySpace:

If you don't like MSI, then you can go to Hell.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

A Week From Now...There Will Be Hell. It's Going To Be Dandy!

Yep, the time has come, 7 days from now (leading to the 21st of October), I'll be going to see Mindless Self Indulgence.

Fuck yes.

Anyway...So far there hasn't been much in the way of going wrong on this endeavour.

Things are going well. A little too well if you ask me, I've been waiting for things to pack in and mess up, but aside from having trouble getting a suitable skirt...Things are good. I'm worried.

I'm sharing a hotel room with my friend, and I'm honestly scared that he'll try to rape me. Seriously, I'll be hooking him (and myself up) to avoid that.

As for the skirt, yeah, I've been saved; a friend of mine who knows exactly what type of clothing I like said she'd bail me out there...Good times.

So it goes like this:

MSI Our Pain Your Gain T-Shirt.
This skirt (not sure what it looks like...Just above the knee anyway).
Pink fishnets.

And I'll be raping LynZ and Kitty. There will be pictures, and hopefully video of the ordeal.

Wish me luck...Cunts.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

I Wont Remember Posting This In A Week To Come

This is a more old fashioned post right here...Where I do a lot of cryptic bitching and moaning, and I leave you to put the pieces together...The problem being I've not given you all the pieces, so after stressing for several hours putting this thing together, you're staring at a little hole, the last piece of the puzzle...You know what the picture is, but without it, it's not what you think it is. The beauty of illusions.

I've not been 'myself' for the the past several months know...I recently tried explaining to a friend that there are blank periods...Weeks and days that I honestly can't remember experiencing...Could you live life like that? Could you call it living?

Now I'm not sure why it is exactly, that these blank periods exist...But I can point a few fingers and take a few wild guesses. Top of the list would be drugs.

I'm a good boy. I'm intelligent. I know a lot of the bad points, and most of the good points about drugs. I've always refused to shoot up, and I'll never give into that. If I'm to be honest, it's less of the side effects inherent with the drugs involved, more of what I could potentially catch from a second hand needle etc...

But yes, drugs aside, another cause for these blank moments; the drifting in and out of days causes me to loose track. I don't just mean forgetting the time, I mean forgetting the week and the month. I almost hate to admit it, but this is me.

I'm at that point in my life where I'm meant to be planning ahead, preparing for things to come. Well how the fuck am I meant to do that if I honestly can't prepare for the continuous 5 seconds in front of me. Day in, day out. Nothing changes.

Now I'm all for living in a familiar environment (See: bedroom, pub, college), but I can't keep on like this, I need to seriously snap out of it.

Now, I'll avoid the rest of this sounding like some angsty teen bullshit by pumping some of my on-the-spot philosophy into this...

The only people that have a real track of time these days are the people that climb mountains, or the people that invent things for a living (I don't mean like the latest quad core CPU, or a car fast enough to get you to your destination before you start its engine). Nothing is ever the same, no fresh invention is the same twice, no mountain is the same (you get the point). Yet these are the people that are always ready in life.

Now what do I want to do for a living (read below)? The peak of optimism. Originally (and more realistically), I wanted to be a network security consultant. Either way they both point in the same direction, and more importantly, they have the same goal.

Live life easily and forget about EVERYTHING.



It's all about making cash and living an easier life.

Well perhaps this is my body and mind gearing up for this, maybe I'm kicking into the swing of things several decades, and several pay-checks early. That, or maybe, just maybe I'm falling back into the problem of thinking into things far too much.

I'm all for the saying, 'life's too short'. And it's based on this reason, and this one alone that I try to disband my morals, and stop caring for anything/one.

Everything in the world exists as one thing, a form of interaction...To me, this is also the same as being a distraction.

To quote Mr Gorman:

"I was told it would be me, my imagination, and my laptop. But that wasn't the case at all, as you'll find my laptop is connected to the Internet, and the Internet contains everything in the whole wide world, ever. Now I don't know about you but I tend to find everything in the whole wide world to be a little distracting."

He has a point.

This leads me to believe that not only is everything a form of distraction, but this very same distraction reproduces, and becomes more than twice the original payload.

There are a lot of ways to look at any sayings and phrases in life. And it is for this reason alone that it is hard to find anything to apply 100% to any situation.

I've just tested a phrase of mine out...I asked an acquaintance to say the first single word that comes into his head.

First reply:

For fuck's sake.

After I explained that I was only after a single word he replied...


Want to know my phrase?

As a singular, modular or whole entity. The human race is essentially 100% fucked.

Sleep well.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Change In My Ideal Career

Game reviewer.

I'm getting straight to the point with this one. I want to review games. I want to get paid to play game and write a page or two about them. And more importantly, it'll get me the girls.

I play far too many video games...In fact, forget that, I don't play enough, you can never play enough. I've just done a college project involving a video camera and me researching AI...What do I do? I video myself playing Stranglehold for 5 minutes (and getting a 35 star kill style chain (will host somewhere if you want it)). Of course 5 minutes is far from enough footage for a college project.

...So I started playing Heavenly Sword.

*Fingers crossed for top marks!*

Now because of this reason I'll be writing a few more game related blogs on here, and depending on how popular (term used loosely...Should read: "If the 3 people that read my blog..."), request it, I could make another, totally gaming focused blog. I don't really want to start that though unless I'm sure I'll have at least a handful of people interested. And on a related note, don't worry, you'll still get to feel the heat of my cynicism and hate for everything living, dead and in between here.

Now I've asked for responses a few times in the past, but I really do want to hear what you have to say about this...I'm nearing my 18th birthday, and it is then, I will gain my class specific
quest in life (class: gamer, quest title: get off your arse and get a job).

Now to taint this post with some of my distrust in common man...But I'm having a problem, I just feel like I'm lacking inspiration today. I'm waiting amuse myself with Yahtzee's latest bitch about a certain game over at Escapist Magazine, and until then, I'm feeling partially happy, and this strange feeling is making me say things to others I usually wouldn't (I'm told it's called, 'being nice')...But I have a good reason for this.

My Mindless Self Indulgence tickets came today...It'll be one hell of a night according things go to plan, and more importantly, I set up some form of a plan in the first place.

Zero's final thought: Go check out GameAscent, it's an upcoming gaming community that you want to be a part of...No really, you do.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

I'm Cursed, But I'm Happy I'm Not The Only One Suffering

The ability to take out the pieces of the puzzle and think about ones actions in a hypothetical situation.

I hate thinking too much...In fact, it's a combination of the ability to look too deeply into things, mixed with far too much common sense. I can make the most simplest of situations seems more complex than quantum physics.

For example...I've been thinking of legally changing my name for a while now (perhaps to Lain...Bonus points if you know where it's from). Now along with that, I was over thinking about the implications that come with it in no time at all, what I spent a while thinking of though was the mental change that would come with it.

For the simple act of changing my name, I began thinking of spiritual symbolism and the changes that come with that.

This is what happens when I don't smoke weed, hell I've been compared to that guy in Road Trip before (same situation as me, but he smokes weed to slow his thought train down).

But like the title explains, I get a large amount of pleasure knowing that there are others like me (to an extent). So as I start thinking...I try and involve these types of people, that way I can really play with their minds, hell I know what it's like to be in their position, so really screwing them up is like riding a bike...Once you know how...You can ruin people's lives for ever...Or something like that.

On a semi-related topic...I want some name change suggestions... Leave them as a comment to this post, I'm heavily in favour of Lain right now though (keeping my middle and surnames).

Saturday, September 22, 2007

A Homage To Swear/Curse Words

I'm fully aware just how childish this sounds, like an eleven-teen year old that understands the fun they can have when they first learn the word shit or bastard etc...

But these words deserve a certain amount of respect.

I've defused many a difficult situation with a carefully placed "fuck". And even more the the Everest of words...Cunt (more on that later).

So I say it, with a meaningful grin on my face, thank you swear words, thank you very much so.

I'm going to make a special mention now to what is deemed by many as, 'The word worse than all others'.


Isn't is such a beautifully harsh word? You know that when you hear that one single word, the conversation is over, pack up your shit and go as you've got a ride to catch on the cunt express. The word can be used and adapted to a multitude of situations, and more importantly, like most other swear words, they can be an addition to another set of words (bonus points if the original word(s) belongs to the swear word family).

For example, you could call someone a 'shit'. It's a modest word, it will change the tone of any situation, and all eyes will be on you...But it is almost certain that people will be disgusted.

But that can be avoided, say for example you not only said the word 'shit', but followed it with a '...munching thunder cunt'.

See that, three extra words, and the whole situation has changed. The phrase 'shit munching thunder cunt' has transformed that disgust, to a certain amount of admiration to say the least.

That phrase alone has gotten me a girl's number at least six times.

So experiment, expect the occasional downfall, but most of all, pay respect to these words. Say it, and say it loudly...

I fucking love swearing!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

A Game That Should Exist

You may know that I moderate the gaming forum "Games People Play" over at, and if you know that, then you'll know I eat, breath and sleep video games.

In another light, someone said that PurePwnage is simply a documentary based on my life.

Anyway, I could go on about myself all day, and to be honest, I rather would...But apparently the sun doesn't shine out of my arse, and I'm not the centre of the universe (blasphemous bastards, the lot of you).

Well that was a brief introductory to explain that I've been around the block in terms of video games, and therefore I'm an opinionated bastard, with an opinion that stands for something.

Now, I've been throwing movies onto my fancy pants new PlayStation 3 for the past week (it's lovely, and all you 360 fanboys can go catch a bus. With your faces.); one of these movies was Equilibrium.

Now you may be thinking, "What the fuck is that?" and/or, "By the sound of things, you watch some serious shit."...If you think either of these things, then I suggest you go to your medicine cabinet, consume the entire contents of said cabinet, and stick a plastic bag over your head, taking deep, heavy breathes as you slowly rid the planet of your dithering existence.

Equilibrium is set following an apocalyptic third world war, the strict government of the dystopian city-state Libria has eliminated war by suppressing all human emotion. In the monochromatic and sedated society, artifacts from the old world (works of art and music that may evoke some emotion) are destroyed and the population is required to take sedatives. Grammaton Cleric First Class John Preston, a man trained to locate and arrest those guilty of feeling emotions, finds himself abandoning the drug and experiencing outlawed feelings. As he struggles to conceal his feelings from his superiors, colleagues, and family, Preston finds himself drawn into a sinister world of double-crossings and lies, and becomes an unwitting pawn in a sophisticated plot which ultimately changes the repressed society forever.

But enough of quoting Wikipedia...Go and rent the film, and form your own outlook on it, you drones of human existence.

Watched it yet? Good.

Now you see a lot of games that can cure the average frat boys virtual bloodlust these days...But I'm far from falling into that stereotype, hell, I'd probably consider myself to be bouncing along the other end of the scale.

And in turn, you'll see a lot of 'fun and happy' games including bright colours, and the unrealistic idea of a happy ending.

So you have several categories covered...But what about the games for malevolant bastards like me, who get erections at the thought of putting infants into an oversized blender (virtually and hypothetically of course).

Now you maybe thinking back to the film, sure, not a lot of blood...But hold on a minute, there were quite a few deaths.

Here's some trivia for you, The character John Preston is recorded as obtaining the most on screen kills ever. More than the likes of Rambo, James Bond and Blade.

Now for the number buffs, the recorded number is 118 kills...Which I could obtain after about 2-3 hours playing DoDS, but the main difference, and a pretty damn good reason to make the game is this.

Gun Kata.

The way of the gun.

It's efficient, likely to keep you alive in improbable situations, allows you to cause maximum potential damage in any given situation...And it looks fucking awesome.

Also, with today's fancy pants HD graphics, and realistic physics...It's a possible trophy winning celebration of mass killings with added style.

I'd ask your opinions on this one, but I know that I'm right.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

MSI Invading Europe? I'm Invading Them

I'm a big Mindless Self Indulgence fan...So when I heard that they were making their way to Europe (including the UK), I was there no matter what.

Don't have the tickets just yet, but they're only £11.50, so I'll have them soon enough...Best of all, it's the last show of the tour, they'll go out with one hell of a bang.

I'm hoping that this will make up for the short Wakestock.

I do have a plan though for this show...Little Jimmy Urine gives his fans kisses for a $1...Our currency is better than that, so dollar notes are rare.

I have $8 lying around.

I'm going to pull the con on the bassist LynZ...I wonder I can get laid...Hell, it's not rape if you shout surprise first; right?

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I Really Fucking Hate Labourers

I don't care if they do the dirty work that I sure as hell don't want to end up doing in life; but I hate them...Not dislike...Hate.

Several times already they have made my electricity trip out, causing what ever computer work I was doing at the time to be lost (and for once, this isn't me looking at porn).

The funny thing is, one of them is sat on my floor, no less than a metre away from me, and he's oblivious to both the fact that I want him to impale himself on his noisy power tools, and that I'm writing this about him and his 'co-workers'.

They make me shift my room around, and I've left myself in a corner of my room with my computer and television, I'm doing this because I don't trust them one iota. Thieving cunts.

If it wasn't for the fact that my heating will be working properly from the end of today onwards, and that I'm pleasuring myself in the thought of torturing each of them slowly; then I'd have no doubt flipped out already.

The worst thing of all, is listening to their 'conversations'.

The words that they manage to string together before throwing at each other is lower than low.

I have a 3 year old brother that comes off as Shakespeare compared to these peasants of society.


Now I want to be left in peace so that I can can masturba...Get back to work.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

PSP Custom Firmware Strikes Back

For those of you that don't know, I'm upto date in the PSP scene (that will be about 99% of my readers). And I just thought I'd spread the word of the new custom firmware update from the Russian Hackers M33.

They've just updated 3.52 M33 to version 3, so I suggest you update yourselves. [Link]

Careful though, if you're a member of PS3News...Or you've visited their site, delete all traces of Internet activity on both your PSP and PC before you download anything.

M33 have warned users that if they have anything to do with PS3News, then their update will brick your PSP.

They have done this because PS3News are notorious for stealing the work of others, it's the Russian way of saying, "A friend of theirs is an enemy of ours".

Many seem to think that this is the wrong way to go about the issue, but I'm alright with it, as long as it doesn't brick my PSP.

Here's my PSP these days: [Link]

Since this hasn't been as cruel and cold as I like my posts to be...I'll leave on this note:

What's worse than three dead babies in a bin?

One dead baby in three bins.

(...even though the thought makes me smile).

Catch you later fuckers.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Minnesota Harry Potter Stunt Turns...Well Good In My Opinion

Several days ago Minnesota tried to play host to possibly the largest Harry Potter publicity stunt the world has seen.

The inspiration for the idea came from knowing about the moving staircases in Hogwarts.

Suffice to say it failed epically.

The result of the event is bellow:

I'm still laughing. Not enough deaths though.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

The Lights Are On, But Nobody's Home

Wow...Wakestock...More like Wakesuck.

It started raining.

I could handle that.

Then the mud started taking the piss.

After I got some wellies, I could handle that.

But cancelling the music...Fuck you.

That aside, it was still an amazing time while I was there, and I made TuckerMax look like a lightweight drinker.

I invented ZeroTrace drunk.

The first night there, I knew I'd enjoy myself as a few things like:




...were shouted across the campsite.

Good stuff.

But yes, after obtaining a pair of wellies, and the rest of my friends arriving, it was party time.

I honestly can't remember a lot of it...I got home and went through my phone to see a lot of videos I can't remember taking...Some will never see the light of day.

I'm just looking forward to a refund now...A great few days for free sounds ace .

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Dad's Back, And He's Got Work To Do

For those of you that don't have much of a clue what the Internet is used for, you can chop it up nicely.

* Porn
* Entertainment (Most argue that Entertainment and Porn should be in the same category)

Contradictory to popular belief, the Internet is far from being 'serious business', that is unless you have a E size breast cup, or a penis longer than an elephants trunk.

To my point...

Over three years ago, a person who goes by the name Sakupen was fed up with the shit on the Internet...More importantly, he thought that the entertainment wasn't there anymore.

He set himself a mission, one that will have effected you even if you don't know it.

He created the single most funny flash animation known to man.

This was Dad's Home.

It changed the way flash animation was done forever.

Three years, over two million views, and a lot of people moaning later; a sequel was born.

I give you...

Dad's At Work.

When I watched it the first few times, tears of joy ran from my eyes.

Obituaries And Marriages

The following are dead:

Mad Eye Moody

The following are married:

Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley
Ron Weasley and Hermonine Granger
Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour

Don't read the above if you don't want to read spoilers for the last Harry Potter book.

I love it when I piss little kids off.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Morning Wood The Musical

OK, so this isn't the funniest thing in the world, but I've just woken up so I think it's fucking hilarious.

As I opened my eyes this morning, I go to roll sideways, except I'm sporting a massive erection. So after getting over the fact that I've just nearly bent my dick in two, I roll over to my computer, start my music playing on random, and I Got Erection (by Turbonegro) comes on.

I couldn't make this shit up.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

A New Me

I've decided to revert to the arsehole I grew up as...Somewhere I went soft.

Anyway...Being an argumentative shit on the Internet these days seems to be prosperous...I shall promise now though, to only ever speak the truth.

In other words, I need to do some exciting shit in order to have something worth typing.

It's going to be pretty slow for the first few weeks...But that's because I'll be waiting for a potential story to come along.

Hell, by this time next week, I'll have been to Wakestock...A field of teens drinking and listening to loud music for a weekend...If I don't get anything from that, I may aswell pack up my shit and leave the Internet for good.

...but on the other hand, I'm an obnoxious cunt sober...Let's see how a few thousand people handle me drunk.

I'll be sporting the traits of a perfect gentleman.

I'll be at least, but not limited to, the following:

* a racist.
* a womaniser.
* a pretentious arsehole (my personal favourite).
* a drunken fool who has a lack of respect for anything that contradicts with my opinion.

Hell if all goes well, I'll be called a Maddox/TuckerMax clone in no time!