Saturday, October 06, 2007

I Wont Remember Posting This In A Week To Come

This is a more old fashioned post right here...Where I do a lot of cryptic bitching and moaning, and I leave you to put the pieces together...The problem being I've not given you all the pieces, so after stressing for several hours putting this thing together, you're staring at a little hole, the last piece of the puzzle...You know what the picture is, but without it, it's not what you think it is. The beauty of illusions.

I've not been 'myself' for the the past several months know...I recently tried explaining to a friend that there are blank periods...Weeks and days that I honestly can't remember experiencing...Could you live life like that? Could you call it living?

Now I'm not sure why it is exactly, that these blank periods exist...But I can point a few fingers and take a few wild guesses. Top of the list would be drugs.

I'm a good boy. I'm intelligent. I know a lot of the bad points, and most of the good points about drugs. I've always refused to shoot up, and I'll never give into that. If I'm to be honest, it's less of the side effects inherent with the drugs involved, more of what I could potentially catch from a second hand needle etc...

But yes, drugs aside, another cause for these blank moments; the drifting in and out of days causes me to loose track. I don't just mean forgetting the time, I mean forgetting the week and the month. I almost hate to admit it, but this is me.

I'm at that point in my life where I'm meant to be planning ahead, preparing for things to come. Well how the fuck am I meant to do that if I honestly can't prepare for the continuous 5 seconds in front of me. Day in, day out. Nothing changes.

Now I'm all for living in a familiar environment (See: bedroom, pub, college), but I can't keep on like this, I need to seriously snap out of it.

Now, I'll avoid the rest of this sounding like some angsty teen bullshit by pumping some of my on-the-spot philosophy into this...

The only people that have a real track of time these days are the people that climb mountains, or the people that invent things for a living (I don't mean like the latest quad core CPU, or a car fast enough to get you to your destination before you start its engine). Nothing is ever the same, no fresh invention is the same twice, no mountain is the same (you get the point). Yet these are the people that are always ready in life.

Now what do I want to do for a living (read below)? The peak of optimism. Originally (and more realistically), I wanted to be a network security consultant. Either way they both point in the same direction, and more importantly, they have the same goal.

Live life easily and forget about EVERYTHING.



It's all about making cash and living an easier life.

Well perhaps this is my body and mind gearing up for this, maybe I'm kicking into the swing of things several decades, and several pay-checks early. That, or maybe, just maybe I'm falling back into the problem of thinking into things far too much.

I'm all for the saying, 'life's too short'. And it's based on this reason, and this one alone that I try to disband my morals, and stop caring for anything/one.

Everything in the world exists as one thing, a form of interaction...To me, this is also the same as being a distraction.

To quote Mr Gorman:

"I was told it would be me, my imagination, and my laptop. But that wasn't the case at all, as you'll find my laptop is connected to the Internet, and the Internet contains everything in the whole wide world, ever. Now I don't know about you but I tend to find everything in the whole wide world to be a little distracting."

He has a point.

This leads me to believe that not only is everything a form of distraction, but this very same distraction reproduces, and becomes more than twice the original payload.

There are a lot of ways to look at any sayings and phrases in life. And it is for this reason alone that it is hard to find anything to apply 100% to any situation.

I've just tested a phrase of mine out...I asked an acquaintance to say the first single word that comes into his head.

First reply:

For fuck's sake.

After I explained that I was only after a single word he replied...


Want to know my phrase?

As a singular, modular or whole entity. The human race is essentially 100% fucked.

Sleep well.

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