14 days ago I wrote a prophecy, of good times, loud music and lots of joyful shenanigans.
I mark this prophecy as truthful, and fulfilled.
This time last week I was waiting in line to enter Manchester Academy. This time last week I was stood in a line of people as screwed up as me. This time last week I was putting a skirt on in the aforementioned line. This time...Last week...I was going to see Mindless Self Indulgence.
I enter the establishment, I get my ticket stub removed, I join hundreds of people in climbing what seemed to be a very unstable winding staircase, I allow myself into a huge dimly lit room. In front of me were a row of 2 or 3 people...Then the stage; the huge backdrop reading Mindless Self Indulgence with the 'gamers cross' image bellow the text.
But this is jumping the gun, the day started at 8:20am...
I wake up...Well I start moving early enough, I wasn't truly awake par se. Thankfully the wonderful 'Pants' meets me at the bus stop at 9 in the morning to give me legwarmers she got me for the show. She's an angel!
Then I meet hopskotch as she was accompanying me to Chester, my rondevouz point for me and my friend Lee (whom I was going to the gig with...He turns out to be an hero!1). Bus trip goes fantastic.
Expecting to meet Lee in Chester at approximately as-soon-as-I-get-there, I was hoping for the bus to get there sooner (He was going to be waiting around for a while otherwise...Didn't want an unhappy Lee), either way he sends me a text message telling me that he's going to be running slightly late...Bugger.
So I get off the bus...And wait, here's Gothic McGothpants (due to the goth coat I had adorned), I had my suave shades on (even though the sun had hardly rose yet) and of course, my cream trilby. At this point I had hopskotch moaning at me due to some cold weather that was meant to be abundant...Hell, I was fine, seems I'm cold blooded and cold hearted...Score!
Either way, Lee rings me about 10 minutes later and tells me to walk towards the tattoo parlour he practically lives in (turns out the day after the gig I got to pick his next tattoo).
We meet Lee...The day starts...Well, it tried to, it kind of didn't though. We had several shops on the agenda, and on a Sunday, nothing was open yet...We actually ended burning time by going shop-to-shop just to find they weren't open yet.
My primal instincts finally catch up with me, and I need my second morning urination (quite fitting considering I was off to watch a guy called 'Little Jimmy Urine'). By the time I've finished, the shops are open and the day starts...First stop, Ann Summers.
Mr Lee wanted some fishnet gloves, and he had money to burn. For any normal person, this obviously means a jovial trip to the land of (wet) dreams. At this point we realise just how prude hopskotch is, as she wouldn't come into Ann Summers, ah well...Her loss.
I must say though, this was an amusing visit down to the fact that Lee dodges all the female assistants, and gets stuck asking some guy for stretchy fishnet gloves...It was great.
We meet back up with hopskotch, and to Claire's we go! I was pondering buying a pink hairband, but decided against it in the end due to lack of hair...I'm growing it back. Lee purchases more fishnet gloves (in pink this time).
Next stop was Boots, I decided to pick up some Lynx (Africa), hell I was going to end the night in a room of sweaty people...I wanted to be prepared; Lee decided on some pink hairspray...Didn't even get used in the end.
Walking back towards the bus station to go back to Helsby, we say our fairwells to hopskotch and attempt to catch a bus.
Notice the use of the word attempt.
Some cunt thought it would be fucking hilarious to make travelling from Chester to Helsby a pain in the fucking ass on a Sunday...Whoop de fucking do.
To Burger King we went. After stuffing our faces, Lee decided he'd pay for a taxi to Helsby.
£15...Double rates on a Sunday apparently (think that's bad? Read on).
We arrive near enough to Lee's and he gets himself sorted, grabs his shit and we're on our way.
This was it, it was official, the MSI day was finally getting going and the going was good.
Quick stop off at Tesco for him to get cash. Done.
We then walk to Helsby train station...Hell, some pre-chavs thought they'd pass comment, well fuck them, we were going to see the greatest band in the world. We arrive.
And we wait.
Wait some more.
And hell, 30 minutes later, we're still waiting.
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
After we get worried, me and Lee Decide to ring the National Rail helpline to see what shit was being laid down.
Apparently there was work being done on the lines and they'd replaced the train with a bus service, one that would've required we wait for another hour, then arrive late to the gig.
That's a full portion of bullshit and chips right there.
After thinking of the possible plans, Lee (God bless him) rings the taxi service to see how much a taxi from Helsby to Manchester would be...It went something like this:
"Hi, I was wondering how much it would be for a taxi from Helsby train station to Manchester Piccadilly please?"
*Lee hangs up*
After realising it was the only way we were getting to Manchester on this day, Lee amazingly says he'll cover it (an hero or what?!).
I have to ring the taxi company back (he did hang up on them after all). They realised it was the same phone number and I had to explain that my mate did ring up, but the signal was bad...And some bollocks like that...Either way, a taxi was on it's way.
The taxi driver was great, a Scouser and a fair man. He said that it would only cost £50 as paying anymore than that for a taxi would be ridiculous...He was great. As promised he turned the clock off at £50.
We arrive in Manchester...And we're lost...I want to make this known now.
I fucking hate Manchester, it's a filth ridden shit hole, and worse for me because every now and then my Scouse accent will pop out, and this is never good in the middle of a place in which you're hated...Worsened by the fact that I'm still in goth mode.
We finally get another taxi to take us to the hotel, and the fun doesn't stop there...Apparently the hotel WASN'T paid for...I call bullshit, but that's what their records say...Lee saves the day again (an hero after all), and we go up to our room.
It was tiny...But it had a kettle and TV (with Sky).
I get partially changed, and after 10-20 minutes, me and Lee think it wise to get our bearings and find Manchester Academy, and stock up on food.
Took about 20 minutes to walk there, it's not that bad in retrospect.
I buy some water and a Pot Noodle, I forgot something though.
So here's Lee, drinking his Pot Noodle, and I'm using a fucking small plastic teaspoon...A low point in my life if ever there was one...But The Simpsons was on, and that made up for it.
A tactically decided that walking through Manchester in a skirt wouldn't be great for my health...Wasn't so bothered about it being cold, but the fact that I'm likely to get jumped regardless of the weather, the girly adornments couldn't make things better.
I tuck it in the back of my trousers.
This time it takes about 15 minutes to get to the Academy, probably because we were anxious...Hell I know I was.
And this is where it began...In the queue waiting to get in...
Anyway, the support band come on after a while...And, well...I'll make this short, basically, the only time they got applauded was when the left.
A few stage hands come on setting a few things up as the support band fucked off.
Next we know, The Land of Hope and Glory starts playing from the speakers...Being mildly patriotic I found this amusing, watching Kitty come on, casually sit at her drums, then Lyn-Z strolls in and picks up her bass...Steve, well Steve wobbled on...He was drunk. And then Mr Urine himself, his mic stand was like a baton, and he placed it causally under his chin as he strutted forward.
Then they started playing Tornado...No shit, just straight into it.
After Tornado had finished, Jimmy explains he was expecting a tough crowd, he then called us all pussies, unlucky for him, but while we were in Chester, I bought a 6" fat glowstick...I launched it at him, and hit him in the head.
Jackpot. Video Proof (About 1:16 into the film)
To be honest, a lot of the night was a blur...I remember that during the start of Faggot, Jimmy (as pur usual) left his fans to sing the infamous "I've been denyed all the best ultra sex", now for no apparent reason I was starting at Lyn-Z here. She catches my eye, and mouths the words "Oh really?".
Not long after she was climbing onto the barrier and standing on the crowd...Less than a metre away from me...At this point I have a do or die situation, I can stand there and watch with a smile on my face like a good boy, or I can let my hand wonder up her skirt.
Guess what I did.
Soon after she falls directly on top of the crowd...Or should I say, directly on top of me...My hand hit the jackpot...Gerard Way...I've fondled your wife.
Some time into the show I'm feeling like I'm going to pass out. I do the only logical thing.
I crowd surfed.
After getting over the front and refreshing myself with water from the bar, I'm back in the game, and thinking about all the idiots in the front row. That's right. Fucking retards.
I walk back into the room and walk straight down the side, not a single person stopping me, and I sit on the side of the stage.
Not only was I closer to the band than the tools at the front, but I was sitting down and not squashed...Life was great.
What Do They Know starts playing and I have my phone out recording video...A part in the song without my bass was the cue to grab Lyn-Z's attention, here's little ol' me getting her to wave into my phone.
She's not going to be overly impressed now...I made her miss part of the song...Ah well.
Fast forward to the end of the gig now.
I think it was Steve who comes out to the crowd first (guitarist), everyone pounces on him, and I trade him $1 for a kiss (yes I had dollar notes, get me). I also give him another to sign.
Then I spy Kitty in the corner of my eye and unfortunately she wouldn't kiss her fans...Damn her, but I got the same dollar signed.
Then Jimmy, obviously he'd kiss his fans...For $1 of course, and after that he signed the other dollar.
Last up was Lyn-Z, a quick kiss on the lips and got her to sign my dollar.
I waltz over to Steve now as he come from behind the barrier, had a little chat with him, and got my picture took with him (as did Mr Lee). Same goes for Kitty.
Me and Lee buy a t-shirt each and head back to the hotel.
I was so fucking happy. And I'm pretty damn sure Lee was aswell.
Cut the trip home short...
Woke up at 9 to get the fuck out of Manchester, got the train to Chester, then bus home.
As for pictures, I hate to say it, but check my MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/rabbhimself
If you don't like MSI, then you can go to Hell.